Once once more the Macalope is pressured by the sick winds of likelihood that made him an Apple pundit to tackle a survey on public opinion of Apple merchandise, however this time a minimum of there’s a twist.
Yes, Piper Sandler (previously Piper Jaffray, previously U.S. Bancorp Piper Jaffray, previously George B. Lane, Commercial Paper and Collateral Loans & Co. (no, critically) is again with their “Taking Stock With Teens” survey, a set of scorching nonsense that will or might not have been carried out by Steve Buscemi. We simply don’t know.
Their outcomes might shock you. According to the corporate teenagers fondly know as The Pipe (possibly, who is aware of?), an astonishing 87 p.c of U.S. teenagers now personal an iPhones! Yes, you learn that proper: EIGHT-SEVEN PERCENT.
While you learn that proper, that’s nearly definitely not proper. The Macalope has little question that’s what Piper Sandler (THE PIPE!) discovered, however there’s an issue with their surveys. First of all, Apple has been a consumer of Piper Sandler up to now. The Macalope could be skeptical of a report from a agency that had Meta or Samsung or, I dunno, Sauron as a consumer, so it’s solely honest to be skeptical of this. More importantly, nevertheless, Piper’s surveys all the time have a tendency to depart out low-income teenagers. Hey, the monetary markets have a tendency to depart out low-income adults so why shouldn’t surveys carried out by monetary companies corporations miss low-income teenagers? For consistency.
Seriously, they’re already low-income and also you’re gonna snub them in your survey? The Macalope would say that’s including insult to harm however, then, they received out of getting to speak to whoever changed Gene Munster.
The survey additional claims that 31 p.c of teenagers (learn: the teenagers who matter to Piper Sandler) personal an Apple Watch. That could seem excessive as properly however to the Macalope it says there are some well-heeled dad and mom who don’t love Tiffany and Trent as a lot as they profess to.
The Macalope has little doubt that the iPhone and Watch are “hella” common with teenagers, as the teenagers completely not say lately. (But teenagers did as soon as say “hella” and that’s what’s vital.) Just not fairly as common as Piper Sandler would have us imagine. The excessive recognition of the iPhone amongst teenagers is type of humorous as a result of it wasn’t all that way back that we had been being informed that Apple was the model of older people, and teenagers had been all into Samsung and the Microsoft Surface.
No, actually, again within the early years of the earlier decade there was a complete cottage business arrange round telling us that Apple was over with teenagers. Teens had been saying “Nuh-UH-uh!” to iPhones and iPads and getting… [checks notes]… Surfaces. Look, teenagers simply love Excel.
Which leads us to a observe for folks. Parents, an increasing number of lately, children are experimenting with spreadsheets. Is your baby experimenting with spreadsheets? Here’s a useful primer on tips on how to establish in case your child is texting their pals about stepping into spreadsheets.
WTF – Wow, Those Financials!
ICYMI – I Calculate Yearly Missed Income
LOL – Looking Over Liabilities
FML – Formatting Multiple Ledgers
Talk to your children. Don’t allow them to get right into a harmful way of life.
Okay, is Apple bombing with teenagers? Clearly not. Do 9 in 10 teenagers personal an iPhone? Uh, uncertain. But is Apple doing simply tremendous with them? Yeah. We can most likely say that a lot.